Someone had mentioned in conversation that she couldn’t believe how gorgeous my children were. I asked why? But I answered for her “oh, you couldn’t believe I could have beautiful children…” She was a bit embarrassed or so she looked but I knew I nailed it on the head…yes, that ever hurting voice “your ugly, your ugly, your ugly” came to mind. I didn’t say anything about her admittance but just smiled and somehow the conversation was changed.
This has been something I’ve had to deal with mainly in my teen years. It is also one small reason I (we) are choosing to homeschool our children. I won’t tell you all the times I’ve been told how ugly I looked and so forth; the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is not a true saying (at least in my experience!)…words hurt very deeply. How can a child grow with this kind of sneering, mocking going around him or her? Seriously, it makes one extremely self conscious, intimidated and has these scars that she or he is really indeed ugly!
But, what is beauty? People measure beauty in looks. But this kind of beauty as some put it is only “skin deep” and age will lessen it eventually anyways. And then I think, ah, God has made us this way, and surely we ought to be content with the way we look and not feel pressure from others that we do not look as we ought to.
What is more important though is not the facial beauty, but the heart beauty. If we looked on someone, who the world would describe as the prettiest person on earth, and we could see into that person’s heart we would be horrified to see how ugly, putrid and defiled that heart was. I speak, of course, of the spiritual heart. We very likely would think differently of that person whether or not he or she was beautiful outwardly!
Now what is beautiful heart but one that has Christ in it? A heart that is pure, filled with the good things of the Lord. Surely this is much more desirable than a goodly appearance!
6 comments:
Ev, part of this post is so heartbreaking, I am so sorry to read you were hurt as a teen and that it has left its mark on you :( you are a beautiful person, you are certainly *not* ugly, at all at all at all!!!!! I've always thought you look really pretty in all the pictures you post of yourself. And your children are gorgeous 'cos they take after you :-)
It is good to keep in our minds it is the inward beauty that matters, and what we would be without HIM.
Much love xxx
Hey there---first of all...I have always thought you are gorgeous! You have a striking beauty and that anyone would say otherwise is absolutely absurd to me. I hate to hear what they would say about me! Seriously...I am not just saying that! In addition to your outward beauty, you have the visible "glow" of a Christ centered/filled life. How can one be more beautiful than that? You put this perfectly! Keep blogging, girl! I have not been so brave to share my thoughts on these matters publicly, nor do I blog as often as I should have, but you do inspire me and I love reading!
Hmmm...please don't take this the wrong way, but I doubt the woman looked embarrassed because you caught her admitting that you're ugly. I seriously doubt she was thinking that! I think she looked embarrassed because you, in effect, called *yourself* ugly, and assumed that she felt the same way!
A Godly heart is indeed more beautiful than outward beauty! And what's more, I think that once you get to know someone's heart, your perception of their physical beauty will change as well. I can't tell you how many times I've thought that someone was quite beautiful or handsome when I first met them, but once I got to know their whiny, selfish, etc. personalities, I started to wonder how I had ever thought them attractive!
And on the other hand, I have met people who looked rather ordinary at first, but once I got to know how Godly, sweet, thoughtful, etc. they were, I began to think of them as *physically* beautiful as well!
Yes, children can be cruel beyond any shadow of reason, especially in the middle school years. I too have some scars (though I was called "weird" rather than "ugly") and that is also a part of the reason I am homeschooling.
Sharon I know for a fact that this person thinks I'm ugly I've heard it said in her family, so I wasn't assuming. Just so I get the facts straight here. :) Perhaps I should've worded the first paragraph differently, but as I've got three littles to take care of I never really proofread! :D
My first reaction was what Sharon said :-) Sometimes people can be taken aback when someone says something that hugely puts themselves down - your first instinct is to think they can't possibly have such a low opinion of themselves, and so you don't quite know how to respond other than with an embarrassed laugh or something. Maybe that doesn't apply in this particular situation, going by what you say you know, but just as a general rule it's startling to hear people voice extremely derogatory things about themselves.
It's typical bully tactics to notice that someone gets hurt by something and then to repeatedly use the same thing against them to get the same effect. Whether or not there was ever any truth in the original accusation, if a bully sees/thinks/imagines it's getting to you, they just keep using it. The sticks and stones thing has always been a myth.
Frankly, when people pass a negative judgement on other people's outward appearances, it says more about them than the person they're judging. Their opinion is not worth taking seriously.
Cath, this person would've denied it if it wasn't what she felt true, she wouldn't have just let me go and say such a statement like that. Maybe I should say we've known each other ever since we were little...so it isn't like it is coming from a stranger. :)
Looking forward to seeing you this wkend D.V.
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