I have been searching. Searching for a method or a way, that would solve all of my difficulties as a mommy of little children (with no older kids to help, or outside help). It has taken me almost 7 years and 4 babies to discover that there is no real solution (unless you've discovered the solution please let me know!!). I've discovered helps such as routines (and you should know that I really really like routines), but there isn't a solution to the heavy workload, the crying babies, the tantrums, the fighting children, the many many messes (ie. diapers, potty training, crafts, playing in the dirt etc), laundry, the lack of sleep (a very big one for me), and not to mention pregnancy things (morning sickness...or all day sickness etc) and the emotional drain on the body too. There may be a solution if you can afford it, but no one can teach or train your children for you as you would.
I've recently read a book on managing a large family but it was worthless for me. Because I do not have children who are old enough to be able to share the work load. The book itself said that if your a mommy of only littles it is basically just hard going until you have one old enough to really help. If someone would've told me that, I wouldn't have bothered buying the book. :) Now that being said I would clarify that Amelia is of age to learn, as is Aaron, but again, this is something else I have to do before they are able to be big helps, we have to teach them.
So how do you encourage one who is a mommy of littles and only littles? I think the main answer is quite clear. We need to be daily clinging to the Lord. He alone can give us the strength to continue "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Some people can live week by week (so to speak) but when your a mother of many littles we often live moment by moment. I find if I'm praying more, praising more, reading more (even if its little bits) and loving more the day goes smoother. What else could I add to that list?
Instead of searching for a solution, I need to be resting upon the Lord.
Note: As I wrote this I worried about people thinking, either 1. I'm looking for help, or 2. I'm complaining of my station in life. Neither are true. I'm just jotting down a few thoughts I had today. :)
5 comments:
Hi Evelyn...sure wish you guys lived closer. I really think the Smith wives and I would g along great :) I wholeheartedly agree with your solution. Having a house full of small children is just tough, plain and simple. I know it isn't the same as my kids ha e bigger age differences and you have one more little than me( for now) but having the children more spread out also has big challanges attached. That being said, the age of 1-3 is just rough...even for one kid or two. During the time I had Sophie and Luke and they were both in that age range, I experienced many of your same emotions. What got me through it, in addition to praying and leaning on the Lord for strength to be a Proverbs woman, I would imagine them getting older and not needing me to change their diaper, feed them, bathe them, carry them all day when they are sick, rock them to sleep...those things are my most treasured moments and I already miss that with Luke and Sophie. I practiced gratitude and thanked God daily for allowing, entrusting me with these precious lives. It helped. As you know, we wanted our kids to be really close together....Sophie and Olivia would have been a little over a year apart. We tried again soon after Luke for a baby closed in age, but we sadly lost her too before final.h having sweet Oliver. It wasn't Gods plan for our family to be the way I envisioned it, but I am thankful al. The same. You are a great mommy doing a wonderful job ax a teacher, and spiritual leader as well. There is not a mom out there who hasnt wanted go pill out her hair at the end of a long day in the early childhood years. As my kids grow older, the most frustrating years are the ones I miss the most. Good thoughts, good post.
Nowadays it's assumed that a stay-at-home mom is on her own when it comes to raising the children and keeping house. But I'm not sure that it really ought to be that way. The Amish, for instance, traditionally hire young unmarried women to work as mothers' helpers for at least a few months after a baby's birth. These mothers' helpers work for room and board plus a very low weekly or monthly salary. I think this is a very sensible arrangement! The problem, of course, is the lack of young women willing to do this sort of work, especially given that they could make a lot more money working a different type of job. Another option is hiring someone to help clean now and then. I think parents of teen-aged girls ought to encourage their daughters to seek out such work, instead of sending them into worldly places of employment where they will encounter negative influences.
Seeing that my children are bigger, my memory of those days are fading, however, I do remember how tired I felt and at times very numb in all emotions except for weepiness. I think it is very normal for all women to feel this way but I loved Rachel's comment that we need to practice gratitude! Its often the case that we see what we don't have (i.e. enough sleep, help, money, time to ourselves etc.) instead of the gifts we do have. For example; right now you all have the gift of staying at home with your children and enjoying their youth. I had to work while raising mine ;)but each person has their yoke according to what he or she can bear! Remembering that in all these difficulties God's desire is for us to call upon Him. P.S. I just read that section of the book of Ruth (by Watkins) where it mentions that Niaomi is challenging Ruth to choose whom she would serve warning that it would be exceeding difficult to do so! However, there is great blessing and joy for those who do this!
I don't have any advice/encouragement outside of what's already been said, since I'm currently feeling a bit overwhelmed myself. (Being extremely sick while your house descends into chaos and your children pick up that you're not on top of the rules... ahh, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about!)
Anyway, I've been thinking of you, and hope you're settling in and able to resume "normal life" now!
Hi Evelyn,
Haven't talked to you in so long!! It was not long ago I was in your shoes (back in the Brookshire days) and the endless cleanup, many baths to give, diapers to change, shoes to tie, carseats to buckle...oh I yes, I remember.
As it was commented above, I am a firm believer that our society is missing crucial help from others...we did not use to be independent as families. We had older women, younger girls, grandparents in the home and thus more help. Do you even have a young girl that would want to come play with your children or read books with them long enough for you to take a nap? Any little thing like that can be so helful.
Try and simplify where you can. Over in here in the states paper plates are our best friend! Where you can simplify, simplify meals, simplify your own expectations of what your house should look like.
Above all, remember that this is part of the sanctification of our souls. Practicing Gratitude is such wonderful advice!
I know the fog of sleepless nights, I know the overwhelmed feeling that makes you wish the children would get older faster, but you will look back and miss these little days. Remember to take time to--JUST play! Go outside, forget about the housework, run with them, capture the overwhelming joy on their little faces. Giggle with them and throw a ball. And remember it is a season.
Life will get easier in this sense, but I have to say it will not "slow down"-- now I have teens as well, and we are trading the diapers for long heart to heart talks, college studies and driving practice...they need me more than ever, and in a way it is harder work.
But, whatever stages we are at in our mothering, it is a high calling and we are blessed to be doing this forgotten labor that in the Lord's eyes is most precious!
If you will email me, I will send you a free copy of my e-book Embracing the Mess. Written out of many mistakes, but I hope it might encourage you.
Sending love,
Jenny
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